Joy to the World

The 25th of June is National Joy Day. That’s… kinda weird, right? Why do we need to have a day set aside for joy? Kind of implies that people aren’t getting joy in their lives on a regular basis. 

Do you?

You can‘t have joy every day all the time…

Denis Leary had a standup special where he made fun of people who complained they weren’t happy. He said you can have moments of happiness (“you come, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt”) but no one goes around happy all the time.

Similarly in one of my fave movies as a teen: Heathers. Veronica (played by Winona Ryder, and my cat Queen Ronnie’s namesake) runs into the bathroom to find one of the Heathers about to overdose on meds. As she’s comforting Heather, she says, “If you were happy every day of your life, you’d be a game show host.”

Although we love our moments of joy, and they’re good for the brain and the release of happy chemicals, it’s… actually a good thing we’re not happy all the time. Similar to the way that some stress is good for humans, though not the chronic stuff.

If we were happy and unstressed all the time, we’d never do anything. We wouldn’t explore. If we were happy all the time we might have died out when environmental conditions became unbearable, instead of upping sticks and moving.

Periods of unhappiness are a signal to do something different. What that is depends on your situation, but that’s what it means. You can be content most of the time, but you still need some novelty and joy in your life sometimes. No joy is as bad as chronic stress, and it’ll wear you down and contribute to burnout as well.

…but you can bring more joy into your life…

For many of us business owners, our business can bring us joy. You might genuinely love the feeling when you send off the completed return to the IRS that’s generated a big refund for the client. 

Or you might enjoy the transformation you bring to your clients. I absolutely love it when people tell me they found time to take their kids to the ballgame or have lunch on a Wednesday with their besties without feeling guilty.

That’s great, and still, we all need more ways to feel joy besides the work we do. At some point, unless you die young, you will need to retire. If the only source of joy is your work, you’re going to be in trouble.

Some people get a lot of joy from their kids. (Not a universal experience.) Again, if your joy is dependent on your kids, what will you do when they leave for college? Start their own family? That’s going to be hard if you don’t have other things you enjoy in your life.

If you just read that and thought, my work and my kids are what bring me joy, uh-oh! Don’t worry, it’s something you can cultivate. You might need to try a few things before you hit on some alternatives. 

Is there something you’ve always wanted to try? Like ballet dancing as an adult, even if you had hip dysplasia as a kid and are approximately as flexible as a steel beam? Or making stained glass? Or playing on an adult sports team? Great place to start.

You can also think about what you liked as a child. What brought you joy back then? The first time I asked this question (of myself) all I came up with was reading and wandering alone around the woods. Not the most social activities. 

But then I remembered being on the swim team. It wasn’t so much the swimming (although if I won my heat I was pretty joyful) but my friends who also swam. I also enjoyed playing with my friends in orchestra, and I do genuinely enjoy listening to classical music. 

Please note alcohol, drugs, overeating, overexercising, and streaming TV shows don’t bring you joy. They might take your mind off your problems, but they’re not sustainable sources of joy. 

Maybe you’re thinking, No JJ, I really enjoy sitting down on the sofa next to my spouse, with a glass of wine in my hand, watching TV. But so often what’s really needed is not the TV watching itself, but a break from stuff you HAVE or SHOULD or OUGHT to do, and a stronger connection with your spouse. You can get those without the TV or booze.

Bringing your childhood joy back in some form can help you find it as an adult. Though as in the examples above, you might need to go beyond the surface (wine, TV, sofa, and spouse, maybe not in that exact order) to see what’s really going on. Then once you have an idea, work that into your life on a regular basis. 

Continuing to explore new things can bring new sources of joy as well. I loved my safari trip with all the animals in the wild. Sadly it can’t really be replicated in Long Beach, as much as I love my city. When I got back from safari, I was pretty unmoored for a few days, because I had loved the trip SO much. 

I went with a bunch of women I’d never met. Some, like me, signed up from a newsletter written by one of the co-leaders of the trip; others came because they enjoyed yoga with the other co-leader. 

During the trip, I got to know these women, and had some deep conversations. Typical introvert, I absolutely loathe small talk, so really digging into subjects is so good for me. I also swam (not just floating around), which I hadn’t done in a long time. And I started a mystery novel as well.

I realized that the reason I was so discombobulated when I returned was that I was experiencing things that bring me joy that I hadn’t accessed for a long time. I hadn’t written anything creative in years, and I haven’t really tried to swim since after my rotator cuff surgery about ten years ago. And the conversations! I do have friends that I can go deep with, but not as often as l like.

So now, I’m working to get more of these in my life on a more regular basis. Some activities are easier to bring back than others, but at least I know where I’m headed.

… and if you’re not already convinced, joy makes you more productive

So, yes, more joy! Sometimes business owners get so fixated on profit and ROI that they lose sight of these externalities, like having more joy in your life, because that doesn’t translate exactly into $$ made.

Joy makes your brain release the happy chemicals, so it’s good for your brain. These experiences don’t typically involve your prefrontal cortex, so it gives that aspect of your brain a break. Which helps you renew and recharge your productivity tank.

There are knock-on effects as well. More joyful experiences mean less stress. If you have employees, that means you’re less likely to snap at them when they do something wrong, and more likely it is that you're creating a safe environment where they don’t feel afraid to speak up and they can thrive too. 

Even if you don’t have staff, being less stressed can help you avoid burnout and all those related issues.

More joy means less critical self-talk, which almost all the women I know can definitely use. It also means you compare yourself to others less, because you’re OK with how you’re doing and don’t need to see what the Joneses are doing to feel good about yourself.

Recap (tl;dr):

Got joy? If you don’t have enough, or it chiefly revolves around your business and/or your kids, it’s important to look for other ways to bring more into your life on a regular basis.

Think you don’t have time to swim or talk to friends or make quilts, or whatever else it is you enjoy? Let’s fix that calendar so you can open up some time – and still maintain your thriving business. Click here to schedule your free consultation.

Photo by Austin Schmid on Unsplash.