Mental Health Mistakes, I’ve Made a Few
October 10 is World Mental Health Day. Does the idea of being mentally well make you laugh sadly or bitterly? Or maybe you're thinking, What, mental health? In this economy? Fortunately, there are rituals and routines that can help you take better care of your brain, which improves your mental health.
As I was thinking about this topic, I kept remembering an event I led a few years ago and realized there is a lot of mental health content to mine out of it… because I got a lot wrong! In fact, I did the opposite of what I generally recommend for clients, so it’s no wonder that the event was a huge stressor for me.
Follow along and see if you can find the mistakes! (Don’t worry, I’ll give you a cheat sheet after.)
What happens when you hold on tight
I was the president of a local women’s leadership organization which gave scholarships to young women in the area who were going to college, many of whom were first-generation immigrants. The event was our yearly fundraiser, and we had a committee for the gala including a chairwoman. She had been nominated for the post and agreed to take care of it.
But she didn’t do any work, so a large part of the organizing fell to me because I was worried that if someone didn’t step in, the fundraiser wouldn’t go well. Failure meant less money for the young women. So the stakes were pretty high. We did end up with a good number of vendors and silent auction items, and we raised a good amount for scholarships.
Unfortunately, I was completely unable to enjoy the event. The morning of, I discovered that the bid sheets hadn’t been done correctly and I had to fix them. I had asked everyone to show up at a specific time, and only one other person was there at the time requested.
The third party organizer we hired to run the show kept coming to me with all the picky little issues, despite the fact that she knew there were other members of the organization there. And of course there were no thanks or recognition for everything I did for that event.
I was so angry at the end of it. I mean absolutely furious, because my rage kept growing and growing as the event went on. And I couldn’t say anything because I knew my anger would spill out at the worst time, so I had to keep my mouth shut.
I drove home, which at the time was at the base of some foothills in the desert. I changed out of my gala outfit and went storming up a trail I knew to be very steep and generally unpopulated. I screamed and swore and said everything I wished I could have said at the event as I literally stomped up this really steep path.
I screamed and swore some more when I got to the top and on the way down. I did end up calming down, and my anger had finally drained away by the time I got back home.
So where did I go wrong?
Learn from my mistakes
I bet at least some of what I went through resonated with you, especially if you’re a business owner.
Failure to have difficult conversations
There are a lot of conversations I coulda/shoulda had that probably woulda made things less stressful. First of all, if the chair wasn’t doing the work, it would have been better to pick up on that faster and have a conversation with her about what she needed to do to improve. If she hadn’t hit the next milestone, I could have asked someone who was already involved to take over or at least co-chair with her.
When the third party organizer kept coming to me, I could have held the boundary and told her to ask the chairwoman instead.
Failure to delegate
Lots of clients and prospects have had this problem! The fact that the chairwoman failed in her duties does not mean that I needed to or should have picked up the slack. When the bid sheets were incorrect, I could have pulled the one other person who was there on time (!) and showed her what needed to be corrected, and added more people to help as they came in.
This is where a lot of people end up being resentful. You do so much work that goes unacknowledged, and then resent being put in the position of having to do everything.
Yet, by not delegating and picking up slack wherever it was needed, I showed everyone that I would just get everything done and no one else needed to do anything or ask me if I needed help.
Failure to make sure everyone knew what they should be doing (& why)
You’ll have to take my word for it that the chair’s responsibilities were pretty clearly laid out and the person we picked just didn’t do her job. But the process around the bid sheets probably wasn’t clear, and I think others on the committee were late because they didn’t understand what they needed to show up so early. I also could have asked for help/delegated with clear instructions.
Doing things because I’m competent & can do them quickly
This is a form of delegation failure, but I pulled this out separately because I know this is the case for so many business owners – especially women entrepreneurs. Just because you know what to do or can quickly figure it out does not mean that you should perform a particular task.
Doing all the little piddly tasks myself the day of the event meant that I couldn’t properly perform my duties as the president of the organization. When you, as a business owner, do the little piddly tasks, you don’t have time for the big tasks you should be doing as a business owner.
Adding stress for myself
I put the success of the event almost entirely on my own shoulders, which wasn’t actually the case. And as I noted above, there’s a lot I could have done to take some of the stress off myself and I just didn’t do it. I could have let it go but chose to hold onto it.
Plus one thing I did right!
Exercise is crucial for making good decisions, because it brings yummy oxygenated blood to your brain. It’s also great for when your entire body is shaking from rage (or really any other strong emotion.)
Vigorous exercise, like hiking up a very steep path as fast as you can go while screaming at the top of your lungs is a helpful way to destress. An easy amble around your local park doesn’t cut it if your stress levels are high.
Mental health in this economy??
We’re constantly being inundated with bad news and attacks on our Constitution, some of which have resulted in extremely high prices for necessities like gas and groceries. The fascists want us demoralized and overwhelmed, because that means we can’t fight back.
Take your breaks when you need to. Scrolling “social” media and emails is not a break. Enjoy time with loved ones and favorite hobbies and activities, to help bolster your mood and get you ready to get back into the fight, however you’re doing so.
Let go of needing to know everything that’s happening in the world the minute it occurs. You can do absolutely nothing about most of it, so you’re just stressing yourself out without making anything better. Think about what you can do that won’t burn you out, and do that. Pull on the little loose thread that you can reach, and trust that others are pulling on their little threads.
Recap (tl;dr):
What you do to take care of your brain boosts your mental health. Sometimes you need boundaries and the ability to let go of items that don’t require your personal time. Letting go can be a powerful way to boost your mental health.
Have trouble with setting boundaries at work? I can help! Schedule your free consultation here.